These are some thoughts I began putting down about a week after my sweet mom passed away. I've done a lot more grieving and a lot more processing since, but I wanted to go ahead and post these thoughts before I write anything else...
How do you even begin to put words down about the most amazing woman you've ever known?
My mother was so much more than a mom to my sister and me. She was our best friend. Liz and I were talking a few nights ago and she said, "Whenever I wanted to hang out with someone, I wouldn't call my friends, I would call mom." It's so true. She was the first person I called about anything, big or small.
Ten years ago, my dad passed away, and ever since then...mom, Liz and I were three peas in a pod. The experience was definitely a marker in our lives that connected us with a super-glue-like bond. From the moment we found out about dad, we literally felt God all over us. There were just so many ways we could see His protection and preparation for that sudden loss.
Two years after dad died, mom called to give me the news that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember being so scared, but just knowing that we were going to make it through. I had several conversations with God where I would cry out and tell him that losing dad was hard, but losing mom would be unthinkable. I begged Him to bring her through it...and He did.
After walking the road of cancer with mom, Liz and I watched her turn into a woman full of life. I always worried about her living on her own, but let me tell you something- that woman was NEVER home! She stayed busy. She was always out to dinner with friends, playing bunco, playing her flute at church or in the orchestra, burning up the pavement between Jackson and Birmingham to visit us, or flying to Chicago to see Liz and David.
Last fall, she went on a trip to Europe with Liz and David. When they called to talk to her about it, she didn't even hesitate. She said, let's get my ticket! I'm so glad she went with them. They had a fantastic time!
I remember the moment in college I realized that not everyone had an awesome mom...I mean, I just assumed everyone loved their mom like I did. Boy, was I wrong! There are some mean mamas out there! Thankfully, my mom had room in her heart to love my friends (and Liz's) like her own. So many of my friends confided in mom, and she loved them well. Mom and dad always said, "if you love my child, I love you."
And then there's Abby, my 3-year-old. Oh, how mom loved her, and how Abby loved her Mimi! This has truly been one of the hardest things to deal with. We have been very honest with Abby about what happened to her Mimi. We told her that Mimi got very sick and couldn't get better. She died and is now in heaven with God. He's taking care of her, and while we are very sad and will miss her, she's all better now and is very happy. We cry in front of her and show her our grief. It took a week, but she finally had a good cry and asked some great questions.
This is all I can write for now. If I could put into a word what I'm feeling, it would be devastated. Completely and utterly devastated.