This is the word I would choose to describe my current state.
Recent tensions (in list format b/c I don't have time right now to expound). Think of it as a stream of consciousness post:
- Working mom vs. Stay-at-home mom-
- I have guilt over not being with my child all day long. She loves her daycare, and she's very well-taken care of, but somehow I feel that someone else is raising my child. (I know this is irrational, but these are the things that pop in my mind. Also, I LOVE my job and get to do amazing things every day.)
- My house is never as clean as it should be. Who wants to clean when they get home at 5:30???? Not me, no sir!
- And speaking of eating...dinner is never as homemade as I want it to be! All the blogs I seem to read are done by stay at home moms who talk about their fantastic recipes. Wish I could do it, really do.
- I love my job. This is what I keep coming back to. It has purpose. I love it. There.
- My heart is truly heavy over the earthquake that occurred in Haiti. I feel more attached to this disaster than past ones. It is constantly on my mind.
- Do I continue to look at the pictures, or do I stop? TENSION! I don't want to forget, but I also don't need to see the picture I saw of precious babies who did not survive.
- My friend, Allen Jackson, wrote a post on how disasters from a distance seem to bring about a distant response. I don't want to forget, but I can't keep looking at these pictures
- I think I'm more emotionally connected to this disaster for a few reasons
- I have a sponsored child in Haiti.
- Some people I work with went with Compassion International a little over a year ago, and I know how bad off this country was BEFORE the earthquake.
- I know some couples in the process of adopting from Haiti and have been seeing pictures of their sweet faces for some time now. After the earthquake, they saw fit to speed up these adoptions instead of dragging an already too-long process out even further and BOTH kids are now with their adoptive families and are doing great. HUGE PRAISE! Huge. Really.
- I can't find my makeup. Mad at myself that this upsets me when there are people who can't find their families.
Wow, this was a random post.